Mutant Ants
2002-04-16, 3:47 p.m.

So, I decided to actually cook dinner Monday night.

Simple chicken and rice.

But as I wandered into our kitchen...as I rarely do...I noticed about a billion ants.

And these weren't the little, tiny black ants that run around outside.

These were big gigantor ants.

The apartment complex is probably built upon a toxic waste dump.

That is the only explanation.

So, Tuesday morning I called the apartment office and asked them to please remove the gigantor ants from my fine apartment.

They informed me that the exterminator only comes one day a week.

That day is Monday.