It's a conspiracy
2004-08-29, 11:07 a.m.

Given Svetlana Khorkina's accusation that the women's gymnastics all-around was fixed in favor of the Americans and the Greek newspapers' assertion that the withdrawal of Greek sprinter and 2000 Olympic gold medalist Kenteris was an American conspiracy, I now have a ready excuse for anything.

Cop pulls me over for speeding--it's a cop conspiracy. Copy machine refuses to function correctly---fixed in favor of the people on the tenth floor.

My sister does not find this nearly as amusing as I do and I think she is on the verge of disowning me.