Warped Tour and Jesus
2008-07-04, 4:42 p.m.

So, yesterday I did my auntly duty and took my niece to Warped Tour.

As we neared the OK/TX border we lost our favorite radio station.

So we scanned and found that they really like Jesus in those parts as 70 percent of the stations were Jesus stations, 25 percent were Spanish speaking stations and the rest were country.

We listened to one Jesus station that was all about hellfire and damnation for awhile. I'm really not sure that hellfire and damnation is the way to go if you want people to come to Jesus.

But what do I know...I'm a heathen.

As for the actual concert.

It was freaking hot. I thought hellfire and damnation was raining down upon me.

However, Angels and Airwaves, The Color Fred, and Last Great Assualt were pretty fantastic.

Between the concerts I wanted to watch. I found a shady spot, sat on my blanket and told my niece and her friend to check in with me periodically.

During my shady time, I was accosted by numerous people trying to sell me self-actualization for a small donation.

I really don't want to self-actualize.

I listened to a half dozen bands and bought a few cds from band members carrying their ipods around and trying to get their name out. The only one that I have really listend to so far is Lights Out Dancing and it's pretty good.

A little boy walked by carrying a sign that read "For $1 Awesome Magic Tricks." So I told him I wanted to see some awesome magic tricks. They were pretty awesome, so I gave him three bucks.

What I Learned From Warped Tour:

A guy in his early twenties offered me "a buttload of condoms and gum" for a one swig of water. I was in a generous mood...so, I took the deal

1) three people who have been outside all day in hot, hot weather don't just stink...they stank...it's a whole other level.

2) it was even too hot outside to get high...that's according to the teenage boy who sat next to me for awhile.

And finally,

3) the youth of America often make some questionable fashion choices. My advice would be to stay from fishnets, speedos (especially if that's the only thing you choose to wear on any given day...it's never acceptable), bustiers and those late seventies early eighties gym shorts...just no.