Things I Learned
2004-05-22, 8:29 p.m.

Things I learned at my six-year-old niece's softball game:

-The game is important enough to leave the stands, go onto the field and scream vulgarities at the umpire

-The above behavior will require police prescence

-There are sixth graders who believe black people have different colored blood

-A six-year-old can call her coach a "lying bitchface" without her parents reprimanding her

and

-Your daughter being a year older than the kids in her class and therefore getting her license a year earlier and therefore she will be popular is a perfectly valid reason to hold your child back a year in school.