My past life as a squirrel
2001-11-17, 12:03 p.m.

In a past life I was a squirrel named Jorge. I was a nice squirrel. I lived on a lovely tree-lined campus.

I had a lovely squirrel family. With a squirrel wife and two squirrel kids. My son's name was Jorge, Jr. and my daughter's name was Bernadette.

My squirrel family and I had a lovely squirrel life. Living on campus was delightful. Those ever-so-messy college, graduate and law students would drop flavor blasted Doritos and other delicious tidbits. I would grab these tidbits and take them back to my squirrel home because I was the breadwinner of our squirrel family. We would sit around the table eating the doritos and dipping them into acorn dip. We would play squirrel poker. And being the loving squirrel father that I was, I would let Jorge, Jr. and Bernadette win.

I was a happy squirrel, enjoying my days rummaging for food and basking in the sun. I never bothered any of the humans. But then one day, a gentleman and a lovely lady in flowing skirts were walking by. The gentleman for no reason at all threw a stick at me. The stick struck me in the head.

It caused a skull fracture and bleeding in my little squirrel brain. I soon began to experience a seizure. But squirrels are known to be a bit hyperactive so everyone believed I was just being my squirrel self and no one rushed to help. I soon died because of that gentleman.

I left my poor squirrel family alone. Now how will they get the lovely flavor blasted Doritos