Thanksgiving in Oklahoma
2001-07-05, 5:08 p.m.

I journeyed home to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving. And as always, it was a lovely experince.

I, being the wonderful and giving sister that I am, gave up my bedroom to my little brother and his girlfriend. I stayed at my sister's house. I got to sleep in my niece's room. And other than the blacklight that made some of her stuffed animals grow freakishly bright and the poster of the freaky little dwarfs above the bed...it was surprisingly comfortable.

I got to hang out a lot with my sister, who is probably my best friend in the entire world. And I got to play with my nieces whom I adore.

And I got my sister to take me to see Harry Potter...I quite enjoyed it.

But there were some drawbacks,

1) my youngest niece only has one volume of voice. She only speaks at a bellow. I'm pretty sure she's adopted this volume because when my family get together everyone speaks at once. She merely wants her voice to be heard. I on the other hand try to avoid opening my mouth...it seems I offend someone if I do. Unfortunately, my niece bellows at all other times as well. Like, at seven in the morning...when she has just woken up.

2) Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart's big around here. I hate it. And I hate the people that are in it. Last year at the after-Thanksgiving sale they had to call out the police and an ambulance. This year, I had to go the night before Thanksgiving for ground cloves, cinnamon and pie crusts. It was packed. I bought myself a Dr. Pepper with the left over change...combat pay.

3) my mother. don't get me wrong, I love my mother. She is just easier to handle in small doses.

She seems to believe that I am incapable of little tasks...like loading suitcases into the trunk of the car.

And she explains things to me like I'm an idiot. For example, she was talking about a news bit she had seen on television about travel and such being down. But home improvement and things like pool table sales were up. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Mom: "the news lady called it cocooning."

ME: i just nodded and waited for her to go on.

Mom: "cocooning."

ME: i nodded again.

Mom: in a voice like she's talking to a five year old..."cocooning...like if i were going to weave a cocoon to be safe in...that's what people are doing...creating a safe environment at home instead of away"

that is a typical conversation.

My mother also does not like my little brother's girlfriend. The girlfriend is Puerto Rican. This is the first time I have met her...they have been dating for about a year and a half. She bought me a present. Presents good. I like her. She's also sweet and funny...I don't understand what she sees in my brother. However, my mother thinks she's too controlling.

She (my mother) said to me in a sly, unbelieving voice, "did you know she calls your brother every day."

I said, "he calls her a lot too...and she only calls more because she has a plan on her cell phone."

MY mother replied, "i wasn't saying anything about it...I was just making a statement."

Right!

4) then there's the rest of my family. my cousin refuses to visit the family because his wife is not comfortable with the family. I said that's why I left my husband back in Jersey...he's just not comfortable with the family. I don't really have a husband. I was just being sarcastic. At least my sister found it funny.

5) and finally there's my hometown. A small town in the middle of nowhere. At least the last time I was here a meth lab blew up a couple of blocks down the street from us...this week...nothing.

But as the my time here winds down...things are looking up. The fridge is packed with Dr. Pepper and A Christmas Story is on tv. "Only one thing could've have dragged my away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."